end of year reflections

it’s that time of the year when “best of . . .” and “worst of . . .” lists are coming out for the year. it’s also the time of year when people are reflecting on what their new year’s resolutions should be for the first 2-3 weeks of 2008. i don’t normally do “resolutions” but if i did they might be more like these, than the normal lose weight, exercise more, be nicer to people type.

since today’s my birthday and it’s the end of the year i recently started just evaluating my life and my vision/purpose. it probably has less to do with it being my birthday or end of the year and more to do with the fact that my dad died this year. soon after my father died, my mom started thinking about her own death and began getting worried about the funeral costs. so she encouraged us (her kids) to get a life insurance policy out on her.

as weird (and morbid) as that sounds she was just worried about putting undo stress on us with finances at the very time we would be grieving her passing. and perhaps we could use some of the rest of the policy amount to benefit our families either by getting out of debt or helping with a sizable payment for a house.

anyhow, we haven’t gotten a policy yet but i got to thinking about it this past weekend. i thought about it because my mom went to california to be with her family over Christmas this year. she went via greyhound so i just happened to wonder, what if the bus had an accident in the mountains and she died. (i know, i know . . . unrealistic and unreasonable and totally ridiculous; but i thought it nonetheless.) i got to thinking about had we taken that policy out, our share of the payment would nearly wipe out our school loan debt.

here’s the thing, deb and i have always thought that we would go into some kind of missions work or church plant once we were out of debt. but at least in my mind i’ve kinda gotta plan for that being 5 or so years away. so the thought that it could happen a lot sooner than later really got me thinking about what the future holds.

i started thinking about: where would we go? would we go? or just stay where we are for a while? or would we do something else entirely? or maybe become senior pastors somewhere? or maybe something else entirely? in fact, if i wasn’t doing church work, what would i do? what kind of skills do i have? what kind of job would i be able to get that would support my family??

sort of a “quarter life crisis” of my own. anyways all just thoughts. i’m not meaning to alarm any of my readers (particularly those from our current church). i’m not planning on going anywhere, we haven’t been offered a position or anything, and we’re not dissatisfied with our church or anyone there. (oh and i’m not hoping my mom dies either)

just thinking aloud.

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// today i'm thankful for:
1. birthday brownies :-)
2. great birthday memories
3. extra substitute pay
4. living close to family
5. finally getting my mom’s Christmas gift in the mail